There is so much I want to put here. The best place to begin a long journey is with the first step and, with each character I type between these paragraph tags I feel myself taking that next miniscule step forward into something new and different. I am at work just now. I am sitting at my desk in an air conditioned office that was once a unisex bathroom but has long since been reupholstered to be the workspace of the IT guy. You wouldn't know except that the floor is about an inch higher than it should be in here and one of my lightbulbs doubles as an exhaust fan - all the better for clandestine vaping, I say.
That might give me my first topic to truly consider. Vaping. I do it too much. I never should have begun. I know all these things and yet there goes another puff of candy air. What an insignificant problem to be concerned about in the grand scheme of things. It is fortunate that I do not have, and likely won't ever have, children. It is some small consolation that I am not passing on this negativity to a new generation ... at least not directly. I want to stop. I have tried. The stuff has a stranglehold on the addictive patterns within me. The same patterns that get me gambling, and convince me to purchase the next game I'll play for 20 minutes before I set it down ... but I don't take umbridge with myself for these shortcomings. This has all been by careful design. It has cost its designers countless dollars and every waking moment of many of their lives - the parapsychological mind-enslavement that has taken place as a result of the marketing industry since my birth and well before is the true culprit for this outcome. Each time I remind myself of that I feel somewhat rejuvinated. It is not my job to flagellate myself for the results of a world that was thrust upon me when I was wrenched from the ethereal cloud from which we all emerge. But I digress ...
Just now I am listening to the soundtrack from Tekken 3 for the Playstation 1. It is full of such funky beats like Kuma's theme and Bryan Fury's theme. For lunch, the employee dining room was serving hashbrown casserole. It was not good and I wouldn't recommend it. It seemed for a moment that I might need to actually do my job. When I came in today, the lead tech, Gibbon, told me that we needed to get an event set up. He said he would call if he and Barred Owl needed help, but I never heard anything - so the boondoggling continues. Even though the door to my office is wide open, one could hardly tell what I'm up to; and plus who's to say that this isn't positively impacting my ability to do my job? Prior to starting this silly HTML site, I would have been sitting here in my chair-that-is-too-tall scrolling away the minutes of my life on a God-forsaken app like Instagram or Reddit or YouTube; though credit where it is due, it was the latter that lead me to doing just this so it is only natural to conclude that everything always works out the way it needs to.
That is my primary defining philosophy at this moment: Everything always works out, always. It is the kind of faith and trust that I've watched my peers profess to hold when speaking of their religions, I feel it too but as a fact that underpins all in some way. I don't profess to know how this all works. I think God, as a concept, exists. Maybe God is the sum of all of everything. Maybe it is the infinite number that contains all the other numbers, maybe it is the clock and the hands and the face and most penultimately of all the point at the center from which time extends. Like I said, I don't know. But I have a feeling I'm going to keep speculating in my further journals here.
I suppose it will compromise my OPSEC to a certain degree to talk about my past but I intend to do this at some point. I've lived everywhere in America, all over the place, at least. The south, the north, the sin-filled desert, our largest national park, along the coast -- you name it. I plan to see more, too. I thought I might want to stay where I'm at forever but now I'm not so sure. There's just so many birds to see out there.
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